Letter from America

Dear P. , you once wrote " do not think i do not think about you " ... i am afraid i am going to have to use the same exact Fraze this time .i do think about you ... at least once a day... now more than usual , since the picture you sent me the other day ...the one with the master and the submissive slave in a leash is my wallpaper image ... let me tell you something ... that picture came at the right time ... like you guessed i am going through this Gothic / Victorian wave ... plus i discover myself more and more attracted to the whole pain for pleasure concept . looking back i don`t think i agreed with the thinks you used to enjoy doing to/ with me then ... now i came to the conclusion you awakened the monster in me ... a monster i did not know i possessed !so ... this woman with black nail polish and black lipstick and died Asian black hair that calls herself Andrada is part your doing !i forgot about the black eye shadow ... i don`t know why , but everything is black ... including my thoughts ... that`s why my doctor keeps feeding me happiness in high doses of Effexor pills ... i work hard and the whole idea of dating some rich guy doesn`t do it for me . ever since my husband left me ( thank God !) i am spending quality time ( sex ) with this one guy who has no problem abusing me , just so i can get more pleasure !he is one of my managers ( shhh! ) , 26 and going to get his police officer certification this summer ... i hope i will be done with him soon ... he is already talking about children , commitment and marriage and i am not even through with my first divorce ... the reason he is in my life is quite odd ... he was around , i was in rebound ... i invited him over to my place once ... we drank and laughed and talked and talked ... we ended up naked when he became a caveman ! i enjoyed it so much ... i leaned against every wall , i was pushed in every piece of furniture , ambushed in every corner ... we ended up in front of my mirror in the master bedroom ... it was a great experience ... like the image of my pleasure would somehow come right back at me and double the pleasure... he kept saying he wanted me to squirt all over him ... don`t know how he knew i could do that ... but i wasn`t ready to end it quite yet ... and this is when he bit my back ... and he continued biting when i felt this immense pain ... then the warmth ... probably just my body reacting to pain with a great adrenaline rush and then i found it impossible not to squirt ... i remember when he stopped biting he had blood - real blood - my blood on his lips ... and a piece of skin that he afterwords confessed he swallowed ... i have a tiny , but permanent scar on my back ... a scar that i cannot talk about ... how do you tell people ... somebody ate my flesh ... and ... i enjoyed it ... ?!i haven`t been swallowed by the West - NO ! by any means NO ! the West is fucking wrong ... and i cannot relate to a country who does not understand nor respect the concept of socialised medicine , but can afford to waiste millions of dollar on a senseless War ... i just don`t want to go back to what i had home ... which, as you know , was just a black garbage bag filled with dreams and all my Worldly goods ! at least , here i have a car , a nice place, i make a living for myself , i never go hungry and i can make sure my family doesn`t go hungry either ! is not much but is so much more than what i had !i am considering moving back to Europe ... debating between England and Netherlands ... i find myself more and more fascinated with the British English accent every day ... movies and Internet make it easier to pursue my obsession ... i am convinced you could have had the potential to be love of my life if we were closer to each other age wise ... we couldn`t have been any closer from all the other points of view ... we were a perfect match and i do know i was in love with you ... the man who made me squirt for the first time ... i was only 20 ... i wanted to tell you i wrote a letter to an old address i had of Jennifer and Mark Avery ... i did not get a response , but a confirmation that the letter was received ... and never returned to sender ... i am at a standing still point ... i find it hard to plan where to go from here ... i am left with no option but to show up at their door ... and i don`t think i am ready for that yet !this is all for now ... regards , best wishes ... and , why not ?! LOVE , AndradaPs : i still did not give up hope that i will own that Andrada painting one day ... i have the belief that i deserve it , since it is inspired by me !